I still remembered how it all looked so cool and comfortable back then with great worship music and a beautiful atmosphere...everyone seems to be worshiping God...tears shed by young people of 15 to 16....they seem to be coming back to God. Some were speaking in "tongues" and everything seem so right and it felt like what many pastors would said..."NOW IS THE TIME".
That was in one of the Youth Camp I attended. Yet as time passed, things seem to be a lil unsettled here and there. I felt what some author puts it "some missing puzzle".
It was then that I experienced more setback...some friends "dump" me in some ways and to be honest there were times that I asked what is it that I'm doing...am I falling away from the TRUTH??
I thank God that throughout the process of deconstruction and disillusion (my friend always use this word to describe this process, so I'm just gonna copy it here...LOL!), there were friends, more than friends probably...brothers and sisters who are there and assured me. People like Addie, Liang Hin and Samuel definitely are part of the community who constantly remind me of that "first love". I guess along the way, God never really left me alone...new friends come along and that is when I really see hope here and there, and it was during these period that I realized it is not about big events, or big programmes...but it's about the little love everyday consistently.
I remembered having a conversation with Evon and she was telling me that life is in a mess and I really agreed with her that life is indeed a mess but it was only through this mess that we realized that "Hey! I can't live on my own...no one can...everyone needs somebody and I wanna be that somebody to someone."
Christmas is coming...a season of hope and love I guess even to the non-Christians. And to a great extend I'm beginning to love Santa Clause cause he's really the guy that makes it possible for the non-Christians to be part of this celebration.
I learned that the minor roles are important, probably far more important than leading a discussion of a Bible lesson and even more wonderful than street feeding cause it's not just about having an activity but it is about being an angel to someone in little ways everyday.
I was having a great time with my brother this weekend and honestly I felt that I've neglected my family in some ways while trying to be a hero to somebody. Now that I looked back, I felt that while doing good to others sometimes I've failed the closest people to me. I believe that there is a season for everything and guess it's a season where I really need to come face to face with the "unsuccessful story" of mine.
Guess the minor roles have been left behind too often that the story never seems to be complete. Hopefully some of us will realized that and be part of the little communities here and there, making a difference in a simple and yet meaningful way.
I guess to be sincere in loving and seeking the "greater being" on Earth, it requires that little simple heart as a child and yet to say it is simple seem to be ignorant of the reality in life. So probably author Brian McLaren put it better than many of us...we probably need to be at the far side of simplicity and yet not being complex.
Am I making sense here?
I guess this journey is just started...and btw, Christmas coming...let's start loving the people around us especially those closest to our heart. God bless!!