It's been a while since anything that makes me feel life is meaningful. I guess it's something that "happen" to you when you grow into young adulthood. Or maybe it's something that we allow to dwell in our lives. But I guess this is actually life. A routine that moves around as a circle, without much significance except for on certain occasion. It reminds me of a song I used to sing when I was still worship leading in church. "I WILL OFFER UP MY LIFE".
'Jesus what can I give, what can I bring, to so FAITHFUL a friend, to so LOVING a King?
Savior, what can be said, what can be sung, as a PRAISE of Your Name, for the things You have done?
Oh my Words could not tell, not even in part, of the debt of LOVE that is owed by this THANKFUL HEART'
At this point, I have a rather different perspective at how this song really meant.
It probably come in a rather depressed mood but probably that's what it really means.
Jesus, what can my life offer? What is there in my life that is meaningful, that can be shared to you, who has been faithful to me, who continues to love me each and every single day. There's nothing in this life that is meaningful. Nothing in the life that is significant that deserve Your love, or Your approach...yet You never fail to open the door for us, the forever opened second chance.
What is in my life that speak of Your love? No...none at all...not even a small part of Your love can be spoken through this life. This life is a failure....meaningless and empty.
But this heart is full of thankfulness for Your ever giving Love and Grace.
Probably this is how life is going to be. I remembered about the story of David in the Bible...a broken heart....could this be it??
The song continues: 'You deserve my every breath, for You've paid the great cost, Giving up Your life to DEATH, even death on a cross. You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin, Opened up the gates of HEAVEN, and have beckoned me in....'
'I will offer up my life, In SPIRIT and TRUTH, Pouring out the oil of love, as my WORSHIP to You, In surrender I must give my every PART, Lord receive the SACRIFICE of a BROKEN HEART.'
And yet even with all these meaningless and empty life, JESUS chose to come and tell us that HE loves us. That He took the shame of our broken and hopeless life, On that Cross...saying IT IS FINISHED. It doesn't matter how unworthy this life is going to be, because no matter what, Jesus will beckoned us in...He will invite us into HEAVEN...He will be calling us in...
And all that I left to offer to this FAITHFUL friend is nothing but a BROKEN HEART....yes, I'll be honest about how mess up this life has been....I'll learn to love, and although the many times I fail...the many times I felt this life is empty, You still call me in...this worship is nothing...nothing but one from a BROKEN HEART.
I used to wonder what's a broken heart...I guess this is the broken heart. When we truly sense the void in this life. When we no longer can boast about our achievements or our lives.
How can life be more meaningful? I think as Matt Redman wrote this song, he tried to offer us an option: to give our lives to God in Spirit and in Truth...in true humility. That we no longer boast about missions or visions or church or money or anything...when we learn to pour the oil of love..it's not just any convenient sort of love, when we try to love people around us from our heart...to feel the pain as others...and in surrender we'll give our part....what part? I don't think I have the full answer...I don't think Matt Redman has either.
But probably this is the meaning of a Broken Heart.