February 24, 2009

In joyful mood....

Lately I have been quite happy and doing a lot of things that I felt worth it.
Well, was back into exercise, although it's just once in a week at the moment but I'm feeling better with each time I go for a run or gym.
Anyway, I just bought myself a Kad Diskaun Pelajar for the KTMB. But I'm sharing with Evon la, so it's like only RM15 per person for a year. And now I'll be traveling at RM7 per trip.
Although it was written discount 40% but for some reasons, the people there kept telling me that the 40% is only for some service. Anyway, 30% discount still seems good to me so I didn't argue.

Here is my Discount Card...


I also am using my 017 again. For those who prefer to call my 017 number, please do so ya!!

I realize that it will be much cheaper for me if I use both my 019 and 017 number. Lately, not much income so need to save a lot of money adi.

Well, yesterday was my Algebra Linear 2 mid sem test. Was quite tough but hopefully I'll still get good results out of it.

The other day was talking to my gf about some of our problems and I realized that the process of growing together is even more meaningful when it comes to accepting one another's weaknesses and of course to learn and grow together in the process.

Well, I guess that's all for now from me....:-)

February 23, 2009

Another sad story read throughout the week....

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.

Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?

Boy: You, of course!

Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?

Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.

However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.

One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go." She continued, "It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners."

Five years went by...

He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.

One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.

Boy: How are you?

Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?

Boy: No.

Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.

Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.

Good bye...

One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.

Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.

Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to "think twice and act wisely", it's often easier said than done.

Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.

Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today

The pain of love

Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realise those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

Before the guy can realise, the couple was walking towards a cemetary,and he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb. Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.

February 19, 2009

Let God alone be judge!!!

Deus solus me iudicet

Have you ever heard of the Crusade war?
What was your first respond when the first plane hit the World Trade Center 8 years ago?
How did you feel hearing the pastor preach about Abraham willing to kill his own beloved son, Isaac?
When was the last time that you didn't judge others for at least a day?
Why did you feel unhappy about the girl who wear almost nothing to church?
Which is the right respond, to judge or let God be judge?

Today, I will want those who think they have the right to judge hear this loud from me: Dues solus me iudicet. "Let God alone judge me"

The Crusade war started because Christians believing that others should accept Christ and hence force others through war. And if you don't, it's better to die than to live for you...at least that's what they think. September 11 was a tragedy because of some terrorists thinking that they were doing God's will, which eventually cause the pain to thousands. Abraham story was one full of mystery for if a man claim to try to kill his son today as a sacrifice to God, we would no doubt put that man behind bars. Probably we judge people too often that there's not a single day we didn't judge others. We feel unhappy about others when we feel that they violate certain rules that should be obey. We talk about God being the judge but we always judge others ourselves.

I didn't wanna have a conclusion on this post here today because I believe there should be room for others to explore and think about it themselves. Let us not be hypocrites accusing and blaming others while lifting ourselves up. When we said "Deus solus me iudicet", let us also do the same unto others.

February 17, 2009

Tribute to heroes

Have you ever wonder what it takes to be a hero?
I wanna pay my tribute to some heroes in my life:

My family...of course when I talk about heroes, I must first mention my family because throughout every moment of my life, they are there for me.
To me, they are the real heroes that help me through thick and thin.
Thank you for being there for me at all times. And no matter how I messed up at times, you guys are there for me!!

Close friends: I think I need to be more specific here as there are a group of friends that really help to inspire me throughout my life, be it during the time when I was actively involved in church activities or not.

LiangHin. Yup...if you're from Timothy Cell, probably this man has been a figure that help you, encourage you and spend time with you throughout your youth. I'm part of those from Timothy. I just wanna tell you guys that this guy is one person that spend his time teaching me, from the first day I went to church until today.
Special note for you, LiangHin: Those times you spend with me and be there for me....those memories will always be something special. Thanks for choosing to go the extra mile for me!

Aunty Lindy: Thanks for sticking with us and standing through the messiness in "church politics" with us.

Addie: Yo brother, I just wanna say thanks for being honest about your struggles with me. And thanks for the constant contact. Your smses and contact continue to inspire me and help me move on from the disappointment of the organization that betrayed us.

Evon: I just wanna say thanks to you for your consistency in keeping in touch. And really, I wanna say thank you to you for listening to my stories when it was in a mess.

William Liew: Brother, I guess you're one of those that I knew ever since Primary. Not that we were close back then but really, just want you to know that the time spent together in Form 6 has been meaningful to me.

Guo Jian: Hey hope you're doing well in Spore. I just wanna say that I'm glad to have know you in Form 6. The only regret would be that I didn't get to know you earlier. If it weren't for you, I probably won't be enjoying my Form 6 as much as I did now.

Siew Wei: Thanks for the sincerity in being a friend. I guess having you as company is a blessing. You didn't dominate any conversation. You were eager to help and always caring.


February 15, 2009

Changes

Has it occur to you that I no longer blog as often as I did last time? Probably one of the most important aspect of this change is the fact that I am not as emotional as I used to be. One of the weakness that seem to hold me back all the time.
But of course this change might also mean a more cruel and heartless KianHin.
However it is, I believe that this change is essential. Because one can't be too emotional over so many things. Sometimes I wonder if I still care for the last, the lost and the least...or has reality force me to put myself and happiness above the right thing to do? I guess only those who know me well can judge me for that. Today I watch the movie Valkyrie.
An excellent movie I would say...A thumbs up for Tom Cruise this time around!!


Col. Claus von Stauffenberg: Only God can judge us now.
Henning Von Tresckow: God promised Abraham that he would not destroy Sodom if he could find ten righteous men... I have a feeling that for Germany it may come down to one.



But of course, the most memorable quotation came from von Stauffenberg: "I'm a soldier, but in serving my country, I have betrayed my conscience. "

I guess probably it's the most appropriate time to talk about all these with Malaysian own politics in disarray to a certain extend. But when we talk about betraying our own conscience due to our loyalty to any subject or any particular constitution be it your country, or your religion, then this movie is for you.




YOU DID NOT BEAR THE SHAME
YOU RESISTED
SACRIFICING YOUR LIFE
FOR FREEDOM, JUSTICE, AND HONOR

- FROM THE GERMAN RESISTANCE MEMORIAL, BERLIN


I'm beginning to admire more and more of those patriots, and they inspiring me to become someone with principle and integrity.


February 14, 2009

Calculus 2 and Statistic mid sem test over....

Calculus 2 and Statistic mid sem test over...next on the line would be Algebra Linear 2 and Probability and Statistics.
It was a rather long week with Statistic and Calculus 2 on the same week. Thank God it's over now. At least some time for me to relax. Well, I didn't really have much time to even blog here. One of the hobby that I will not let go despite of how busy the week may be. Anyway, for the first time in UM, I was part of an activity in my college. It was more like helping my roommate for the Chinese New Year celebration in my college.
Well, I only did it because both my test finish by Thursday. Not that I enjoy it but it was alright. Not too boring la at least. Hehe...

Well, today is Valentine's Day. If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, do spend some time together. And if you don't have one, don't be sad because celebration of love will only be more meaningful if it can be done with family, friends and loved ones.

February 05, 2009

BN rule Perak again....

Probably it was a news that some people wouldn't wanna know. But the fact is this and I think it is only proper to accept defeat the way we embrace victory. Most of the people are unsatisfied as the election and democracy in Malaysia has become so "unworthy" and "corrupted". But before Pakatan Rakyat start blaming others, let's look at the inner circle first.

One of the biggest mistake that Pakatan Rakyat has been doing ever since the election is to look at the issue of defection as something of a norm.
Secondly was when Anwar kept setting new dates to take over the government.
Thirdly, the unity among DAP, PKR and PAS are still in doubt.
And of course, the unqualified group of people that Pakatan Rakyat has been supporting throughout the general election. A postman, a retired army, a clerk...what are there in these group of people that could help the rakyat??

Well, the way Pakatan Rakyat welcome those who choose to walk away from BN is also a sign of "greed of power" more than the concern for the Rakyat. I believe that if Pakatan Rakyat were to win the hearts of the rakyat and be even more successful in the next general election, it is to play an effective Opposition role and stood for Justice and choose not to tolerate with insincere and not opt for ways that could upset the democracy spirit in Malaysia.

Today, when BN choose to take over the government through a way that probably is against the will of the rakyat, it simply means that they have not change from their old ways. While this could be another chance or probably the last chance for BN to prove their worth, it could also be the end of the democratic spirit within the party and among the rakyat, which will turn the rakyat against them. And if this is the case, that is the end of Barisan Nasional.

I am not trying to be bias here by supporting Pakatan Rakyat because I too, like many other citizens of Malaysia, all the more as someone from Ipoh am disappointed with the party ways of embracing defection.
If Pakatan Rakyat indeed sees and feel for Malaysia, then they must stood against it even when the situation might benefit them, not only when it is against them. And in this issue, only a few in Pakatan that manage to maintain their consistency by standing against it. Naming a few would be Lim Kit Siang, Karpal Singh etc.

Let us not blame the corrupted leaders, but blame us for believing in the wrong candidates.
If Pakatan Rakyat indeed learn anything from this, it is that they cannot simply choose and place a candidate just for the sake of it, but each individual must be responsible and hold their principle strong.
The rakyat has place their trust in Pakatan Rakyat during the General Election and now when BN take over, it is a failure of Pakatan to keep their promises and hence, they must look deep into their own mistakes and undo it. Be a better party for the future of Malaysia.

And if BN were to continue to be in power, then they will need to start looking at a clean, transparent and accountable for their every actions. Something that only DAP has been showing so far, (their leadership in Penang under Lim Guan Eng)

Malaysia's hope for a better future lies not only on this election alone but how we look into the way both parties carry themselves throughout these period of time.
If BN or Pakatan Rakyat were to be the government for the next coming election, they cannot affort to play the same old trick. What goes around comes around. BN will regret for their action today and if Pakatan Rakyat were to respond in a positive manner, it is a thumbs up for them but if not, I see no other alternatives in the country, at least not at the moment.

The hope lies on the hands of the party that can stand strong with a great sense of integrity and not greed for power.

As for now, I wish the best for BN in their imposed leadership on Perak.
And for Nizar, you have been a great leader. If not all of us, at least some of us has seen your effort. In trying to be Hang Jebat at this moment would be foolish. But to walk out of office as someone who has tried his best is an accomplishment.

Angel sent from Heaven....

YenLeng


I remembered that almost 2 years ago, I had one struggle in a relationship that seem to haunt me forever. The girl's name is Angeline Tan. I know that people who know me well enough will probably be wondering why suddenly talk about her again or maybe for those who are even closer to me, you might be wondering how come Yen Leng has nothing in similar with Angeline.

I would like to thank people like Evon, Addie, William, Guo Jian, Liang Hin, and those who are more than willing to hear my stories throughout my struggles.

Looking back at my previous blog, I realize how much I have grown and see things clearer. The growing process has never been easy.

This poem was taken from my previous blog:

on Monday, March 12 2007

If we love somebody we could be this strong,
Strong enough to lose,
Strong enough to be weak,
Such is the paradox of love,
And because of this,
This love, I'll keep in my heart,
Allowing the memory in me to sink in slowly,
And if that day would come,
A new story would be written then...


I now know meaningful and importance my past is to me. Because no matter how time flies and how we move on, we carry with us that memory. And that memory stays in my heart.
Today, a new story has been written and is continuously being written. And I want to be able to say that if we cannot embrace the painfulness in love, then we can never going to be able to share a love from our heart with that special one.Bluek!!

Having Yen Leng in my life has been moment where I see so many things from a new perspective. In what most Christian would said: "a childlike attitude".
And I'm not being ignorant about reality but it's about going through mess and shit s with someone who could understand you in a way that people close to you will never be able to do it. She has been my strength and encouragement throughout the time when I am left alone.

Some people asked me, "Why Yen Leng? She's so different from Angeline."

I think the answer is not something that I could share it with plain words. Let's say when you look into the eyes of this girl, you'll see something different. An innocence that you cannot find among intellectuals or even regular folks.

A new story is written and I know my poem speak of the exact truth for I carry with me the past. Because no matter what you do, the past is part of you.

And yet I know that when I look back today, I can laugh about those experiences.

I want to be fair to the girl I love, because I never really posted much about her.

Yen Leng is not the kind of girl who is intellectual. She is emotional and easily hurt by things happening around her. But her sincerity and love towards people around her has been geneuine. I know of so many people talking about God, trying to make a difference in the lives of others or others who might be only concern with their lives. Basically, all types of people. But none speak of an honest love. Be it with me or as a friend.

When I said this, I'm not saying that other friends are hypocrites but her passion towards others and the honesty in her speech, action and lives are outstanding. The first time I felt she is the one for me was during my school days when I tried to teach her in her studies. I knew that it was stupid to waste time teaching her but somehow I felt I have to and I felt it was all worth it.

She isn't the kind of girl who can hide her emotion but she is the kind of girl who will be able to put others above her, even though it means hurting her.

An angel sent from Heaven? I don't know but one thing for sure, I'm convinced and I know I have found the right one for me. I have found the girl I love and the girl that I will protect, no matter what it cause....and if there were times that the past memories reoccured, I know I'm only recalling a lost friendship.

When this new story started,
I wonder if I ever gonna let go off my past,
But now that I'm so much in love,
I realize that the memories will always remain as one of my past,
A history that I cannot deny,
And when I look into the present,
I see Yen Leng,
And when I look into the future,
I see her being with me still.
To me, that's love.



February 04, 2009

University Malaya bus service is a shame...

If I were to be given another opportunity, I might follow the footstep of my elder sister in pursuing her ACCA while working. One of the main reason was simply because I could not stand the inefficiency and the damn attitude of those who think their job is "highly rated". Smokers who only pollute the environment and their only job is to fetch students from University Malaya. Even then, they fail miserably, in terms of their attitude and job ethics.

My disappointment does not just come in a day's event but yesterday it definitely turn me off. I could not accept for the fact that while it was raining heavily, a stupid bus driver could just dropped the students far from their hostels. And all he said was: "U tahu baca kan? Tengok sign board dulu." What the hell...it was raining heavily and expectation of mahasiswa and mahasiswi is to read the sign board. And if that's indeed so important, why don't they use English for their sign board. There are some international students with us at that point.

Anyway, I could only say that even St. Michael's Institution stand on a higher rank in my heart in terms of education and service standard.

February 02, 2009

There is no point to talk about changes in the realization phase


Some people make responsibility sound so easy, but it's not...


I was just reading one of my friend's blog and really, I felt a bit of a pity for her and yet I think it comes a point where we cannot talk about changes in terms of realization alone but rather, it needs an active involvement and participation. She was talking about her involvement in so many activities and the lack of time. I believe that most of us will come into this point at certain time in our lives but this was something I heard two years back if I remembered accurately. Anyway, it's a choice that we make that determine how our lives are moving. Some people choose to be involve in so many things that they neglect the very thing that mean so much to them.

We could blame people for the choices we make, but at the end of the day, it was our own responsibility to hold the consequences of our decisions.

At certain time, we all need to be "human" and once in a while, fret and run away from our responsibility, but there will come a time that we must oversee our own "struggles" and start picking up the shits and mess in our lives.

Part of my story...

I decided to post how I started my story in my blog here. It's not really that good and I'm sort of out of inspiration. Anyway do give your comment if you have time.

Chapter 1: The Ending

The drizzling of the cool night rain had stopped, and in the calm silence of the after-rain, a man was lying motionlessly on the ground at the backstreet. He was probably around the age of 28 and a drunkard that you and I would not even take a glance at. Further down the road was a hawker stall filled with all sorts of noises. From the chattering noise made by the customers to the clanging sounds of pots and crockeries, the night life of Ipoh seem more like a routine for everyone. But every tale has its’ beginning and only when we look at the history of an individual that we could fully understand the story. The story of how one man grew to become a drunkard and how busy everyone else could get that so often, many forgot the values and special meaning in this life.

Let me guess. You’re wondering how the drunkard lying on the ground with an almost dead posture could have anything to relate to those eating happily in the hawker stall. And how all these could start a tale entitled “Love”.

But like I said before, every tale has its’ history. Every tale has its’ turning point, climax and ending. This story is about the beginning of a story that has already move to its’ ending.


Hopefully, it won't bored you too much. Anyway, I decided to name it "Love". Hopefully, I can finish story in time.


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