March 25, 2009

Listening to some Christian songs again...

I was kinda bored in UM as all my roommates and friends are at the choir competition. For some reason, I chose to stay back in the room.
I really change so much. No longer involve in any activities, and I find myself not wanting to be going out so often. Afraid of the outside world?'s just for some reasons that I couldn't even explain to myself. Anyway, I decided to listen to some Christian songs and bump into the song "I will run to You".

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand it comforts me
From the ends of the earth
To the depths of my heart
Let Your mercy and stength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels undertand
For your glory
May You draw all men
As Your love and grace demands

And I will run to You
It's Your words of truth
Not by might not by power
But by Spirit of God
Yes I will run the race Till I see Your face Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

I felt particularly motivated by the part I bold here. I know I am going to finish this race and finishing it well. It might take time to recover from certain past but I'm learning more after reading the book....Sickness Unto Death. I know the title sound depressing but really, it isn't that bad.

my laptop with my chosen list of songs. Hehehe!! :-)

Lately, this is how I study...following the EFFECTIVE STUDY TIPS, except for the group study part....loL!

Effective study tips? Hehe...drink nescafe...the first step towards that!!

Look how messy my table is...I'm studying and feeling rather bored here...aiks!! I miss home...I miss my room...I miss the big table that I use for studies.

Before I forgot to blog about this...the funny situation in my dorm's toilet...

Is something missing here??

I know I'm kinda random here with my thoughts but I guess there's how is it life in reality. It is in a random situation, which is why statistician needs to learn about random variable. Always take into account of variable change. (Something I learn from watching the movie 21)

Well, my final part for this post...lately, I've been kinda depressed with the stupid performance by the Red Devils.'s a bit tense now...they better get back to winning ways. I don't want Liverpool to win...ish!! ish!! ish!! (where do I learn to use the word ish so much?? hmm....I forgot but I think it's from someone quite close to me...anyway not important here...loL!)

Reflecting on the Red Devils' logo? loL!!
Not reflecting, admiring...haha!

Ok la...the next time the Red Devils beat and crush Aston Villa, then I'll post about it here in my blog...loL! That's what I call trust and confidence towards the biggest football club in the world...haha!!

Signing off here...

March 24, 2009

Let's talk...

It's been a while since there has been anything serious that I blog about.
Partly was because I felt the need to rest and stop sharing my views on the net.
Turning into an introvert....quite likely but then it hit me to think of how unproductive I have been. Productivity not in terms of working or studying, but reading and being part of this ever changing Earth.
Have you ever wonder why Malaysian politic can be so corrupt? Well, let me put it in a better word before the ISA catch me as well.
What I meant is that "why is it that we have this perception that politicians are corrupt?" and how much truth is it in that statement?
Not only in our country, but almost globally. Even the newly elected US President is now facing more criticism than he first started his campaign of "change".

Probably the problems of all these "issues" no longer lies at any single individuals but the community. If you read the Bible, then you probably are familiar with the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. The question is: Are we back to that uncivilized age?

I will say both yes and no. And in fact, probably this new generation are being feed with poison every single day of their lives. What sort of poison am I talking here?

Let's not talk any further than where I am at the moment, university. The place of education and as far as I'm concern, one of our education goal is to achieve unity among people of different races and religions. However, we heard about community group such as Chinese Community (CC) where Chinese gather together to have activities. Isn't it an activity that without us knowing promote racism in our lives.

Chinese look at Indians and Malays as their rivals and so is it the other way round. This is the
sort of mentality that is coming from Malaysia.

"Change", it seems to be changing to be doing the wrong at another level. Not the other way round. For years, we have been polluting the Earth....I'm guilty of this as well....very much guilty of it in fact, and yet we are not changing, all the more during this recession season, where it seems to be the word "I" that stands out from any other things.

We are so concern with our own lives that we don't bother about our actions towards our surroundings. Look at AIG...the people who betray this company probably were those who pledge to do their best to help the company move to a new standard.

The system is falling. Yes, our education system is. Our religious system is falling apart. Our ethics are no longer relevant to us. We are moving back into the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.
How then can we sincerely talk about change and embrace it?

Nothing can save our generation? I believe part of the answer lies within our own decision while another part of it is in the Heavenly Realm.
We need to tear down our safety zone, our knowledge, our system and walk out of it first before entering into the Promised Land. Is it something possible? At the moment, it seem not, but probably Michael Jackson got it right when he sang "Man In the Mirror".
That guy is going to start the ball rolling....

March 20, 2009

Life's brief candle....

Recently, I'm thinking about death again but this time from a rather poetic way of looking at it, thanks to Form 1 literature.

I thought bout it when I was teaching Yen Leng's brother Literature...Life's Brief Candle!

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Anyway sometimes it's rather depressing to be reading poem on death but nevertheless it kept me aware of the need to appreciate those closest to me.

March 04, 2009

Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty

I was rethinking about story of Jesus. The first time I heard of it....those moment that mean so much to me even until today.

Holy Holy is the Lord Almighty,
That You came to Earth,
Leaving behind all Glory,
To die to Self so that we may be called sons of God.

I didn't know the whole truth. I am broken, because in the attempt to seek God, I fail Him. Whether it be a friend to others or whether it be about being responsible to my own actions.

In fear do I come to You O God,
Not that You are a police officer or someone eager to punish me,
Yet entering into a conversation with You seems to push me into dying to myself more each day,
Which I fail terribly.
Your Glory is too much for me,
Your Holiness tear my pride and glory apart,
I wish to know more of You,
I wish to be able to call You "Abba Father",
But each time I try to utter such word, I felt that I am crucifying Christ again,
The image of Passion of The Christ becomes so real and so terrifying,

Oh what a broken, sinful and evil person within me,
What a humbling thought,
I didn't know what else to say....

March 01, 2009

I need to think more...

I was reading some books from the university library and believe it or not, a Mathematical student reading books on philosophy, history and theology. Anyway, I was finding it difficult to digest some of the books, especially those with words that I barely heard of. Anyway, I was sort of reading some collection of Kierkegaard and about Kierkegaard. I am inspired to see things in a different light as most of his books have left the interpretation and discovering part for the reader themselves.
As he noted "the task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted."

Anyway lately, I'd learned more about this author who somehow amazes me with one his best ever written book, Fear and Trembling. As I searched some of the information from the internet and books regarding him, it was quite clear that the book was written during the period of time where he was totally heart broken.

If you guys are reading about this blog, then you should know more about this man who besides being intellectual and imaginative in his works, he is also someone who is faithful towards love, although his story is rather a sad one.

One aspect of Kierkegaard's life (generally considered to have had a major influence on his work, Fear and Trembling) was his broken engagement to Regine Olsen (1822–1904). Kierkegaard met Regine on 8 May 1837 and was instantly attracted to her, and she to him. In his journals, Kierkegaard wrote about his love for Regine:

Thou sovereign of my heart treasured in the deepest fastness of my chest, in the fullness of my thought, there ... unknown divinity! Oh, can I really believe the poet's tales, that when one first sees the object of one's love, one imagines one has seen her long ago, that all love like all knowledge is remembrance, that love too has its prophecies in the individual. ... it seems to me that I should have to possess the beauty of all girls in order to draw out a beauty equal to yours; that I should have to circumnavigate the world in order to find the place I lack and which the deepest mystery of my whole being points towards, and at the next moment you are so near to me, filling my spirit so powerfully that I am transfigured for myself, and feel that it's good to be here.

– Søren Kierkegaard, Journals[9] (2 February 1839)

On 8 September 1840, Kierkegaard formally proposed to Regine. However, Kierkegaard soon felt disillusioned and melancholic about the marriage. Less than a year after he had proposed, he broke it off on 11 August 1841. In his journals, Kierkegaard mentions his belief that his "melancholy" made him unsuitable for marriage, but his precise motive for ending the engagement remains unclear. It is generally believed that the two were deeply in love, perhaps even after she married Johan Frederik Schlegel (1817–1896), a prominent civil servant (not to be confused with the German philosopher Friedrich von Schlegel, (1772–1829)). For the most part, their contact was limited to chance meetings on the streets of Copenhagen. Some years later, however, Kierkegaard went so far as to ask Regine's husband for permission to speak to her, but Schlegel refused.

Soon afterwards, the couple left the country, Schlegel having been appointed Governor in the Danish West Indies. By the time Regine returned, Kierkegaard was dead. Regine Schlegel lived until 1904 and was buried near Kierkegaard in the Assistens Cemetery in Copenhagen.

If you read about the story of Fear and Trembling, which is actually the retelling of the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac, you probably would be moved to look at the story in a new light.

Well, I feel there is still more that I should know. I need to think more because the process of it create a new me. So that new inspiration will come forth from this...

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