May 29, 2009

Is it written in the star

I am here to tell you we can never meet again
Simple really, isn't it, a word or two and then
A lifetime of not knowing where or how or why or when
You think of me or speak of me and wonder what befell
That someone you once loved so long ago so well

Never wonder what I'll feel as living shuffles by
You don't have to ask me and I need not reply
Every moment of my life from now until I die
I will think or dream of you and fail to understand
How a perfect love can be confounded out of hand
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
Or some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

Nothing can be altered, there is nothing to decide
No escape, no change of heart, nor anyplace to hide

You are all I'll ever want, but this I am denied
Sometimes in my darkest thoughts, I wish I'd never learned

What it is to be in love and have that love returned

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

For some God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

May 22, 2009

I recalled at how I left Youth Ministry...

It's simple isn't it? If you want to leave, you just leave right?
But over so many years by now and as I looked back, most of the time with my friends, I felt a little wasted up. As in my youth was spent growing and building "Youth Ministry". At times, I wonder if it's a mistake. a certain extend I believe. But on the other hand it is a no, because it is where I learn and grow to be who I am today, with a bunch of close buddies though.

At times, I do wonder if those buddies will be there for me....but I'm thankful to have Addie so nearby me that a call would be enough. And of course, our "WINNING ELEVEN" moments must be our downfall...loL!

Back to leaving the ministry, I guess it was rather different for me in comparison to many others. Some of them left the church entirely so really, there ain't any memories flashback as often as mine. But I'm glad it's over.

When it's over, it's over. The ethical standards that I agreed to at my ordination clearly state that when I leave a ministry I cease to be a pastor to that church and its members. After years with a youth group, this can be difficult. It means cutting the umbilical cord, in a sense, so that the youth can make room in their lives for something new. In my last official gathering with our group (which occurred during our mission trip), I explained that I was going to have to put distance between us as I was not going to be their youth minister any more. This meant no more regular messages back and forth on Facebook or email, no calls seeking help with personal issues, no joining them for a movie or ice cream after youth group. I explained that this didn't mean I loved them any less -- it was just time for me to move on and for them to make space for their new pastor. After a pause to take all this in, one of the girls in the group said, "So, does this mean we are breaking up?" We all laughed and I said, "Yeah, in a way. We are breaking up. But we will always be friends!"

I read of these from another blog and I'm thankful that some of these active youth are still my friends, although not many of them.
I'm happy that now that i look back, those hurts no longer hurt and that it's really something of the past. I don't even know those youths now, but one thing I'm a certain...the path ahead will continue to be messy...but in a way, I'm looking forward to it.

Goodbye to those beautiful and ugly moments of the past...I'm welcoming the future...

Somehow, this song inspires me about creating a new FIVE FOR FIGHTING (it's quite an old song ald anyway)


Got a package full of Wishes
A Time machine, a Magic Wand
A Globe made out of Gold

No Instructions or Commandments
Laws of Gravity or
Indecisions to uphold

Printed on the box I see
A.C.M.E.'s Build-a-World-to-be
Take a chance - Grab a piece
Help me to believe it

What kind of world do you want?
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now...

Should there be people or peoples
Money, Funny pedestals for Fools who never pay
Raise your Army - Choose your Steeple
Don't be shy, the satellites can look the other way

Lose the Earthquakes - Keep the Faults
Fill the oceans without the salt
Let every Man own his own Hand

What kind of world do you want
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now...

Sunlight's on the Bridge
Sunlight's on the Way
Tomorrow's Calling

There's more to this than Love

What Kind of world do you want
What Kind of world do you want

What Kind of world do you want
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece

History Starts Now

Be careful what you wish for
Start Now

May 20, 2009

How can life be more meaningfuL??

It's been a while since anything that makes me feel life is meaningful. I guess it's something that "happen" to you when you grow into young adulthood. Or maybe it's something that we allow to dwell in our lives. But I guess this is actually life. A routine that moves around as a circle, without much significance except for on certain occasion. It reminds me of a song I used to sing when I was still worship leading in church. "I WILL OFFER UP MY LIFE".

'Jesus what can I give, what can I bring, to so FAITHFUL a friend, to so LOVING a King?
Savior, what can be said, what can be sung, as a PRAISE of Your Name, for the things You have done?
Oh my Words could not tell, not even in part, of the debt of LOVE that is owed by this THANKFUL HEART'

At this point, I have a rather different perspective at how this song really meant.

It probably come in a rather depressed mood but probably that's what it really means.

Jesus, what can my life offer? What is there in my life that is meaningful, that can be shared to you, who has been faithful to me, who continues to love me each and every single day. There's nothing in this life that is meaningful. Nothing in the life that is significant that deserve Your love, or Your approach...yet You never fail to open the door for us, the forever opened second chance.

What is in my life that speak of Your love? No...none at all...not even a small part of Your love can be spoken through this life. This life is a failure....meaningless and empty.

But this heart is full of thankfulness for Your ever giving Love and Grace.

Probably this is how life is going to be. I remembered about the story of David in the Bible...a broken heart....could this be it??

The song continues: 'You deserve my every breath, for You've paid the great cost, Giving up Your life to DEATH, even death on a cross. You took all my shame away, there defeated my sin, Opened up the gates of HEAVEN, and have beckoned me in....'

'I will offer up my life, In SPIRIT and TRUTH, Pouring out the oil of love, as my WORSHIP to You, In surrender I must give my every PART, Lord receive the SACRIFICE of a BROKEN HEART.'

And yet even with all these meaningless and empty life, JESUS chose to come and tell us that HE loves us. That He took the shame of our broken and hopeless life, On that Cross...saying IT IS FINISHED. It doesn't matter how unworthy this life is going to be, because no matter what, Jesus will beckoned us in...He will invite us into HEAVEN...He will be calling us in...

And all that I left to offer to this FAITHFUL friend is nothing but a BROKEN HEART....yes, I'll be honest about how mess up this life has been....I'll learn to love, and although the many times I fail...the many times I felt this life is empty, You still call me in...this worship is nothing...nothing but one from a BROKEN HEART.

I used to wonder what's a broken heart...I guess this is the broken heart. When we truly sense the void in this life. When we no longer can boast about our achievements or our lives.
How can life be more meaningful? I think as Matt Redman wrote this song, he tried to offer us an option: to give our lives to God in Spirit and in true humility. That we no longer boast about missions or visions or church or money or anything...when we learn to pour the oil of's not just any convenient sort of love, when we try to love people around us from our feel the pain as others...and in surrender we'll give our part....what part? I don't think I have the full answer...I don't think Matt Redman has either.
But probably this is the meaning of a Broken Heart.

May 18, 2009

Champion again....:-)

Ok...Manchester United has won the Premier League again...loL! And it's good to see how Liverpool fans need to endure the fact that the Red Devils are now equal in their magnificent 18th league title.

"'s so sweet to see how Benitez dream of doing what I'm doing"

May 12, 2009

Happy Birthday Yen Leng!!

I went to KL with Yen Leng for her birthday. I didn't drive...the two of us took the earliest train to KL and then the latest one back in Ipoh for a day trip. I must admit that the trip was really tiring but I believe it worth it. It's a new experience for her and me myself as we visit KLCC and Berjaya Times Square.
I wonder if anyone actually manage to shop the whole building before but the shopping process was really terrible. When finally I was back in Ipoh, my leg was in extremely painful condition, worse than when I was still back in my athletics' days.

in the train...she was very excited at the beginning of the trip...;-)

when we first reached KL 7.35am

Posing as her first visit to KL with me...hehe!

First stop...breakfast in McD in KL Sentral...hungry already after travelling for 3 hours...

Exploring KL Sentral a bit...well, she's new here so wanna know about the places in KL!!

We did some window shopping...OMG!!! those prices are really for damn rich people...haha!!

in KLCC!!

I took this...nice?

After that, KLCC Park...
This is our first place...KLCC Park...and honestly, it's bigger than I expect...gosh!!

Posing before the walk in the park..

part of the park...

Enjoying the beauty of the park

nice statues...these dolphins look real from far away...;-)

now the park is like SO BIG!!

and this is the map....

Enough of the park...I'll never finish walking through the park as it was about 10 am already...the sun prevented us from doing so...lOL!!

Next stop: Aquaria
It's in the Convention Centre as many guards around...

While Yen Leng busy taking photo, I took a picture of hers doing so...

Aquaria is a good place to visit...

I forgot what this creature is called....all the funny names...haha!!

This is a big one....OMG!!

She's happy taking photos with the fish...I'm not sure if it's likewise for the fish...haha!

We thought of going for a Jurassic Park experience but tak's not open on Monday!! aiks!! disappointed....

only manage to take photo from the outside...aiks!!

After that, off we go for Times Square....

Didn't really take photos by the time we reached there...was too tired to do so...hehe!!

By the time we reach Times Square, we were rather tired already....and the was terrible...I'll never go for other Western style food again unless it's well known...loL!!

We pretty walk throughout the day, from 1st floor to 6th floor...and that's it....that's our limit...loL!!

Now this is what you call tired...
but when she realized I was taking her photos...

An automatic recovery!! Wow! the power of snapshot...loL!

Eventually we decided to go for a movie in GSC since there's nothing in IMAX theatre in Times Square...lame cinema....and we watched Star Trek...thank goodness the movie was fantastic!! manage to keep us both awake despite us being rather tired.

a must watched MOVIE in 2009....

We bought a couple t-shirt,(forgot to take photos of it) and I gave her two surprises, one a Secret Recipe cake and another one, the birthday present...

it's pretty big actually but was stuffed inside the paper bag...loL!!

food wastage....after a whole day trip, you just don't feel like eating...loL!!

When we were up in the train, she was quick to fall asleep compare to when we were on the way to KL. Well, by the time we reached Ipoh, it was like 12.45am. Reach home at bout 1.15 like that.
Then of course the natural thing for us to do is: ZZZ!!! ZZZ!!!


May 08, 2009

My Story: be continued....

Chapter 1: The Ending

The drizzling of the cool night rain had stopped, and in the calm silence of the after-rain, a man was lying motionlessly on the ground at the backstreet. He was probably around the age of 28 and a drunkard that you and I would not even take a glance at. Further down the road was a hawker stall filled with all sorts of noises. From the chattering noise made by the customers to the clanging sounds of pots and crockeries, the night life of Ipoh seem more like a routine for everyone. But every tale has its’ beginning and only when we look at the history of an individual that we could fully understand the story. The story of how one man grew to become a drunkard and how busy everyone else could get that so often, many forgot the values and special meaning in this life.

Let me guess. You’re wondering how the drunkard lying on the ground with an almost dead posture could have anything to relate to those eating happily in the hawker stall. And how all these could start a tale entitled “Love”.

But like I said before, every tale has its’ history. Every tale has its’ turning point, climax and ending. This story is about the beginning of a story that has already move to its’ ending.

I was having a hard time to continue with the story. Guess I was putting more effort into this one than my previous "blabla" stories...loL! Anyway, I'm taking parts and parcels of the ideas from The Matrix....sounds like an old movie familiar to you?

But you probably be thinking the link up between these stories...and I'm having rough ideas of it....anyway, it's a whole new experience for me but I'm a lil obsessed with some of the myth within Matrix itself...OMG!! anyway I guess that's it for my post...

May 07, 2009

class gathering....

Our class gathering....though not really a complete USS1 though.

the ordinary day I had today....

Well, today was just like any other usual day of mine. All the more when I'm not teaching tuition or studying. I had breakfast with Addie and we play a bit of "Winning Eleven". Talk a bit of "lame stories" and then I head back home. I was rather occupied with the latest news in Perak today in the morning. Checking the internet for the latest update until I realize that no point doing it any more.
Hehe...was rather a disappointing outcome but sort of predictable. I guess sometimes even though we already know some things will happen in such a way and yet we want to hope for "Miracle". I guess these feelings are what make us human.

I had lunch with my mom in RasaMas....some fast food related to Ayamas....not too good but bearable. At least better than when I was inside UM.

my mom looking at the menu while I take snapshot of the moment...

the food....I forgot to take the photo of my rice...loL!!

Apparently a Value Busters...but the bill was RM20.40 for two person...consider ok la....but I guess McD would have been cheaper...damn my place....nearby my housing area ain't any McDonald's outlet...what the hell!! aiks!!

Amazingly, the breads are much bigger than those in Pizza Hut.

Anyway I find the food there rather average...ok lah...can makan one...won't die...loL!!
Well, I guess the rest of my days were spent on reading some articles, and the Naruto manga...OMG!! I finally finished until the latest chapter. Can't wait for the next release though.

At night, I fetched my sister to her KOMPAS for her night! I feel like my part time job at the moment is being a driver...and it's for FREE!! Gosh!! Haha!

After that, spent some time with Yen Leng and her brother in her house.
Quite some time since I go to her house, due to the stupid Final Exam...but real cool....the parents still treat me very well....hehe!!
Guess I'm one lucky guy!!
That's for my day today.....

Life....during the ordinary occasion...

Most of the time, we expected great things to be happening. We hope to see excitement in life. That's why so many people were talking about being bored when in fact all they're going through is their "ordinary life" or maybe their everyday life. I guess it's a shame for us not to see how important is it to embrace our daily "boring" life so to say.

some performance during the Easter celebration!!

I guess most of the time people were caught being excited for such event and no doubt about it, it's important to feel happy and even excited at such point but it is even more important not to forgo the "ordinary" days...or probably the other 'insignificant moment' in life. If that's how so many of us feel at times.

To be struggling inside UM, it made me realize that I was not learning the importance of the 'normal days' in my life. Probably I don't find anything in there to push me but I should learn to captivate the importance of such moment.

Halfway through my studies...

It may seem boring but these are all part of the important criteria to build the character within us. "Rome was not built in a day". And I believe no man grown at those "important moment" or defining moment so to say. But we all only see ourselves that way because those are when we go through the test/exams. It's just like when you face your final's not like you were improved only during the examination. You improve and learn and those growth takes place before the examination. Those defining moment is something like our "final examination".

The defining moment is crucial but let us not fail to see how "significant" our every other day actually is.

May 06, 2009

First year is over...

I know I've been rather quiet lately. I was after all too occupied with my last minute studies for my final examination for my first year in UM. Frankly speaking, I'm not very much attach to any of the activities inside UM but I must admit I've managed to develop certain friendship to a deeper level. (Not the BGR type but learning to believe in friends as well.)

But I guess second year will be another challenge for me. I might opt to spend some of the weekends in KL for some part time job during my second year. I knew that a lot of my friends were talking about enjoying the university life. I hope I could but I knew that those activities are not meant for me. Somehow, I just know that I don't belong to that world.

Well, I already can imagine how my second year inside UM will be but I intend to put some life into it. And my solution will probably be to the "library". It seems strange to be talking about having life through the library but I guess one of the most attractive source of life in UM will be its' library. Full of books and it's where we learn and gain inspiration from other authors. I'm looking forward to read from other authors as well. Some books are pretty old but the meaning within it seems to be rather difficult for interpretation.

Anyway, I think it's for now. Too tired today for anything more...

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