January 15, 2010

The numb and void that one must face

It was as if only a while that we talked about a NEW YEAR, a NEW HOPE...finding voices...etc. But I'm not someone who talk about things without doing. I have been doing what I felt I should....being actively part of my university life because in some ways, I felt there should be VOICES within this community that seeks to be heard.
But there is one thing that seems to haunt me daily...the numb and void within me.

I read about the Haiti tragedy....mentioned a bit of prayer. I played guitar while singing worship to God. I read the Bible. I try to be part of the lives of others...but the stories that engage along this journey seems to carry with it a weight of hopelessness. It just made me ask the questions in "THE RIDDLE" by FIVE FOR FIGHTING.

But before he died, I asked him
?Wait, what's the sense in life?
Come over me, Come over me?
....

Then he said, "Here's a riddle for you
Find the answer: There's a reason for the world
You and I"
....

There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
....

I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
'Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free, I love you freely

Yeah...the quest for the RIDDLE of life..."What's the meaning of all these?" Is there answer for us or is the answer TOO BIG for us to understand.
At times, I felt "I am alive and yet I am dead."

I wanna go for a ride,
Where I can be free from all these,
From this numb and confused feelings of mine,
Yet as I run,
These feelings run after me,
How is love supposed to be read?
Where the history of this world speak nothing of it,
So many things that I not know,
And this feeling of uncertainty is eating me up,
Maybe this is
the numb and void within
That each one must face.


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