July 30, 2010

Starbucks alone...gonna do more things alone...

Was feeling rather tired in the morning. Need to wait for the train back to Ipoh at 1pm. I'm already in KL Sentral at 11am like that. Well, it's better early than late.
Thus, I went to Starbucks. 
Didn't know why but I'm feeling more alone this time around.

Anyway, I did not want to spend so much commenting on the loneliness...sort of enjoying the quietness this time around. No more people to talk to. No more lame jokes...just me, the internet and coffee.

My faithful companion

July 23, 2010



As I sat alone in the train back to Ipoh, a strange and yet important thought comes into my mind: what will happen if there is an accident along the way back to my hometown? What happened if death finds me today? What kind of funeral will be held for me? Will my departure hurt those who love me most?
I wonder what it is after death. Will there be life after death, just as it was promised in the Bible? And if there is, what kind of world will that be? And more importantly, how will the people closed to me bear with my departure?

Thus, I decided to write this down so that if death were to take me at any time before those closest to me, this message/blog post will be strength to them.

So how long more is there for me??

Death is not something that is strange. Everyday as we sit down with our notebooks on, enjoying the beautiful taste and aroma of coffee, there are more than hundreds of people died around the world. Everyday while we were busy with our work, there are hundreds of families mourn for their loved ones. Everyday while we lie down to rest in our sleep, there are those who lost their battle against certain sickness while many others met with accidents that take their lives away.

It is depressing because death creates sorrow and pain to those who are still alive. Imagine the need to battle everyday’s struggles with those closest to us. I understand that pain and I knew probably I would not have the strength to live those days of struggles alone. I knew it must be hard for you if I were to leave this place before you.

However, I wanted you to know that the memories we had together…the beautiful memories that will be strength to you. Remember the jokes that I made, remember the insults and sarcasm that come from me. I might not be the best person you met in this life but losing me might means losing a lot of enjoyable and comfortable conversation. Remembered the conflicts we had…remember the struggles we had together…remember ME as ME, the good and the bad as well. But don’t let those memories keep you weeping. Instead, let the memories inspire you to live another day with clearer purpose and meaning.

Think of me but do not miss me, because if missing me could cause you to feel unbearable pain, I had rather have no one around me to love me. But think of me, the good and the bad in me…learn from my mistakes as there are so much that are negatives in me. Take the positive in me and change the world, because the world could certainly be a better place if we take some time to offer to Her.

If you ever feel that you need to hear my voice, listen to the sweet music made by natures because I always believe that the dead goes to some place more beautiful and make wonderful music all the time, just as the nature did. I am a fan of music…Pop, sentimental, R n B, Hip Hop, oldies and all….Enjoy the music as I would, because I always believe within each notes and beats in the music lies a certain magic that can bring a change to this world. Then, you will find that you could actually hear my voice in those musics.

Life is unfair…this is certainly true. That’s why some are born rich, while some born poor with some having to go through intense hardship at a young age. I am lucky in a way because I am born into my family, being KianHin and having enjoyed some of the most beautiful experience in this world. If you feel that life is unfair, do not be depressed. Do not be discouraged. Because even though the world is unfair, you could always find small communities trying to make an impact to change the world. I have tried…I might have succeeded in certain ways but I believe I have failed in many ways. However, I believe it is an ongoing challenge that will be passed on to the next generations. Do not give up on the GOOD FIGHT. Persevere on, just as many had…so that at the end of the day, you will find the purpose of our mad, short and crazy EXISTENCE.

It is hard to continue writing and it might even be difficult to continue reading for some of you but this is the magic that death can do…OR the magic that the thoughts of death could do.

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever


(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As I listened to the song of Mariah Carey (Bye,Bye), tears rolled down my cheek. Saying GoodBye is probably one of the most difficult part in life…but no matter how difficult it is, a goodbye is a must and it will happen in every relationships…whether it is between father and son, mother and daughter, among best buddies, husband and wife, or any other sort of relationships. Some departure happen on purpose and was expected. However, DEATH ends a relationship in a way that there is not a chance for GOODBYE. But I refused to accept this fact and thus if one day death were to take my place, I hope this is where my GOODBYE comes, and I want you to know that I love you.

While relationships are the most beautiful parts in life, it is also the most painful. Because when it reaches the end, you might find yourself longing to see that someone and yet it is impossible. If you find yourself reading this blog post of mine again, it simply means that our relationship has come to an end. 
The hardest thing to do is to say: Bye, Bye, Bye…and I do not have the solution to this pain as well. Probably what we could do is to follow what the song says: “Lift your heads to the sky, we will never say bye”.

I believe that someday, in another realm, we will meet again…in a BETTER PLACE.

But for now, live your life in the most meaningful manner because this is what we are here for….each of us with our own legend to live up to. Follow your dreams…fight for your love…become stronger each day…tii the day we reach the BETTER PLACE.

I wanna hold you in my arms,
I wanna take away all your pain,
But I won’t be there when you call me,
I won’t be there to share the laughter, joy and sorrow,
All that is left is memories and thoughts spoken out,
Sorry if I ever hurt you,
Sorry if I’m not good enough,
Sorry that I could not be there,
Sorry because there is no second chance for you to look into my eyes, with me looking back at you,
But I hope the smiles in me will always be a clear picture in your mind,
So that as you walk on in this life,
In the difficult pain of this life,
Those smiles will bring joy to you.
I am no longer afraid of death but waking up each day knowing that death could be a step away helps me to appreciate every moment in this life.

P.S: I love you!

July 18, 2010

brother back from US

My brother is back from US, and he bought a lot of stuff....crazy fella...make me feel jealous only. 
Anyway, am glad that he's back!!
Will be looking forward to spend more time together next week when I'm back iPoh again. There'll be a lot of things that we will need to talk about.
Feeling a bit tired, emotional, and sleepy...zzz...

But then, I'll be going to Starbucks with my family...will blog more later..

July 17, 2010

The Road Not Taken

Was reading the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. 

As I looked back to the days in the past, I knew how one way leads to another for me and that it is impossible to look back and see the difference if I chose the other path. 

But I knew this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.

Thinking about this at the moment...what path will I take? What road will I opt for?? What will my future holds for me??

July 15, 2010

The courage to live on...

A close friend of mine told me about a weird dream, related to a suicide ceremony. Stuff regarding suicides and all. Well, no worries...my friends and I are not thinking about committing suicide. I knew that some people think that it takes a lot of courage for one to choose to make the decision to take his or her own life. No doubt about that...that action requires someone to think deep and be bold enough to take the step to take his or her own life.
I, for one, will never make this decision. 
However, I don't think of myself as someone who chicken out in life. For those of you who know me well enough, you will know the background of which I come from. For those of you who think that I'm born with a silver spoon in my mouth, it simply means you don't know who KianHin is.
I dare to say that not many people had to go through the kind of shits in my life although while I said this, I must admit that there are tonnes of people out there who live a life that is even more challenging and difficult, and some of these people even make it BIG time. 
Abraham Lincoln, for one, never gave up and live on to put his name in the history books.

I think it is too easy to take your own life. You leave the mess and shits behind for those closest to you to take care of while you go to the "other world". The pain, disappointment and hurt would all be left for those who are alive to go through. If you ask me, it does not take a courage to commit suicide. It takes more than just courage to live on. It requires love...it takes commitment...it involves sacrifice...it is about going the extra mile!!

Do you have the courage to live on?? I do and I don't intend to just live but to make the most out of my life....btw, am currently reading the book "Like the Flowing River" by Paulo Coelho. Will blog more when I have time..

July 07, 2010

Have you heard of "$600 billion challenge"??

Have you ever heard about the "600 billion challenge"?? if you are a big fan of the founder of Microsoft, then you should because this is what he is passionate about now. Well, that is Bill Gates I am talking...more than just Bill Gates, but also Melinda Gates as well as Warren Buffet.
If you think that this is some sort of business plans, you are wrong because what these geniuses and billionaires are trying to do is to contribute to the community.
The "600 Billion Challenge" aim is to ask the nation's billionaires to pledge to give at least half of their net worth to charity, regardless of whether it is during one's lifetime or after their death.
And imagine this...if the efforts put in are successful, you will find that this could change the face of philanthropy, not just in the United States of America but in the world.

Through a dinner among Bill Gates, Melinda Gates and Warren Buffet, they set a goal: They are going to drive the super rich group of people, starting with those from the Forbes list of the 400 wealthiest Americans to pledge, at least literally, to give away at least 50% of their net worth charity during their lifetimes or at death.

Now, I remember blogging about Jet Li's idea of One Foundation...and if you think $1 of contribution by the world community is magic, imagine those super rich group of people giving away billion of dollars into charity...that will change our world....

There are two articles that I read from FORTUNE that truly excitesme....first of all, it is the Philanthropic Pledge by Warren Buffet.
Another article is Bill Gates: Life after Microsoft.

Today's aim: finish chapter 5 for MLC

I know the progress in my MLC studies is very slow but I'll put in more and more effort each day.
Today, my aim is to finish up chapter 5. Hopefully, I can do that but for now, I need to learn to balance my time...I need my sleep as well...and to be back in jogging and running more consistently. It will be terrible to grow fatter after the holiday (loL! i wanna be more muscular!!)

Anyway, I had my hair cut today. Was very upset because the lady cut it too short in my opinion. Damn it!! Gonna boycott that place already. And then, I'll need to settle some of the stuff for my house today.

Hopefully, everything will run smoothly...time to get back to studies!!

July 06, 2010

Welcome to my life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

For those of you who think that you know me, think again.
For those of you who think that you are doing me a favor, I want you to know I DON'T NEED IT.
You might think that you know me, but you're not even close.

stay connected...

The other day I was using my brother's digi broadband to go online using my HTC Trinity. Although the smartphone is pretty old in comparison to the latest gadgets and many others such as the HTC Evo 4G as well as the iphone 4, with the right application, I could easily use it to connect with my friends through Facebook, Twitter, gmail, MSN and even blogs.
Although the Internet Explorer Mobile was not that good to view blogs, I still manage to use it for light reading.
It is important for us to stay connected especially if you are one of those who are addicted to social network. In a way, it is good because it helps us to keep connected with those matters most to us.

I might be getting myself a Digi Broadband but I will need to check and see if the 3G connection in my new house in KL is good or not. As for now, I'll continue to test with my brother's Digi since he's still in US. You could check his blog in http://justblog-it.blogspot.com/

Reading about my brother's trip to US

I couldn't really sleep again tonight. So, while I'm chatting with Weoi Loong, I read my brother's blog. Probably because my brother was in US, I kinda miss him. Or maybe it was because no one is around to talk to me at night, which is probably the time that I'll talk more
Anyway, here are some of the photos that I stole from his blog...loL!

in the airport..

I didn't know where he got these photos but I took it from his post on his trip...you can check it out in his Justblog-it.

I really appreciate that I have a brother like him. To be honest, one of those people that is always there to support me regardless of my mistakes is my brother. I wouldn't say he is the perfect brother but he's sincere in lending his help and in guiding me.

There are a lot of things that I disagree with my brother.
We have a lot of difference in our characters and yet, I knew I could not find a closer friend and brother. Probably it was due to the zodiac sign with him being the Taurus and me the Scorpio. Apparently, this two signs tend to have a good relationship with one another.

Reading from my brother's blog about his trip in US, I'm so damn happy. Because I knew that US is his dream country. This may just be the beginning for him and I'm hoping for more good things in his life while I am about to start my own journey. At times, I feel the pressure.

Maybe I am just not as good as my brother. Maybe I couldn't make it BIG when I'm out in the real world. So far, there have not really been much problem for me but I knew that things will be different when I'm working. What about relationship? Will I be able to maintain and handle this relationship wisely? What about time? Will I be able to balance my time between work, family, YenLeng as well as friends? Maybe I will somehow neglect some relationships?

Or maybe all these maybes are not going to be real concern?

There are just too many maybes.

Was reading a lot from other people's blogs. My brother's, friends', some popular icon and some articles. I am really not sure if I am ready for the real world. Just another year and I'll be out there...but when I read my brother's blog, I knew that there will be someone to guide me. Someone to support me, despite of our disagreement.

Anyway, enough of all these serious stuff...time for something more casual here...
Since this is the World Cup season, I have been following on the football news although it doesn't affect me in anyway due to my team being kicked out as early as the first round. (gosh...sad for the Italians...)
Well, I just read about the comment by Germany coach, Joachim Low regarding the ineffectiveness of playing defensively. He was saying that the Italian strategy no longer works and I was like..."What arrogance!"
I am not saying that the Germans are not good but if you look back at the previous few World Cups, you will realize that the Germans have been in the semi-final stage at least. However, they have failed to win any of those. This could indeed be their year but I think it is a bit too early to think of themselves as superior. There is still Spain and also either Uruguay or Holland to go.
Hopefully, the unexpected happens!!

and that sums up the thoughts in my mind at the moment...

July 02, 2010

Random random random...

I must said that not having enough sleep is really a bad thing but then again, I'm making use of the time and advantages of it as well.

Anyway, I am glad that YenFong (will blog more about her next time) had the free time to kacau me and let me kacau!! haha!! it helps to release the pressure at times.

Just yesterday, Chen Dong ajak us out yum cha. Nothing much happened to be honest. Probably it's been a while I met up with them and there wasn't much going on in my life as well so there ain't much conversation. But just seeing him was a great joy!! It's great to know that after a few years and despite the fact that he's studying in Australia, we're still meeting up as friends and spending some wasteful time over a cup of drink. (not really wasted...just lepaking I guess...)

Probably due to the break and holiday feel, I find it hard to get my mind into the books and notes even though I looked at it. I was thinking at a much slower rate myself.

And I have made my mind to get myself the Digi internet instead of Streamyx when I move back to KL. (don't ask me why ya!!)

I am still happily playing with the Neonode N2 phone. Smaller than a credit card, smooth and nice to be used as the touch screen is very responsive and the best part is the headset...it's rocking cool for music entertainment. Too bad there ain't any Wifi or connectivity with the phone. A bit disappointing on this part.

I'll also be using the netbook when the uni start, exchanging the laptop with YenLeng. This is for my own convenience...lighter and easier to be carried with.

July 01, 2010

Started studying

I have started studying for my MLC exam. With just about 12 more days before uni starts, I am finding myself struggling to sleep. It's not a good sign but due to this, I am up and awake studying for my MLC exam....
I remembered a very good friend of mine once told me that "studying MLC helped me to sleep"
Although the effect was entirely different as I am not getting any more sleepy by studying but I am sure by channeling and focusing my energy on positive things will be something that benefit me.

By the way, YenLeng gave me the S&P Global Strategy on Malaysian Equities book to read. Probably this will help me to learn more about investment...loL!!
I better get back to study...

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