As I sat alone in the train back to Ipoh, a strange and yet important thought comes into my mind: what will happen if there is an accident along the way back to my hometown? What happened if death finds me today? What kind of funeral will be held for me? Will my departure hurt those who love me most?
I wonder what it is after death. Will there be life after death, just as it was promised in the Bible? And if there is, what kind of world will that be? And more importantly, how will the people closed to me bear with my departure?

Thus, I decided to write this down so that if death were to take me at any time before those closest to me, this message/blog post will be strength to them.

So how long more is there for me??

Death is not something that is strange. Everyday as we sit down with our notebooks on, enjoying the beautiful taste and aroma of coffee, there are more than hundreds of people died around the world. Everyday while we were busy with our work, there are hundreds of families mourn for their loved ones. Everyday while we lie down to rest in our sleep, there are those who lost their battle against certain sickness while many others met with accidents that take their lives away.

It is depressing because death creates sorrow and pain to those who are still alive. Imagine the need to battle everyday’s struggles with those closest to us. I understand that pain and I knew probably I would not have the strength to live those days of struggles alone. I knew it must be hard for you if I were to leave this place before you.

However, I wanted you to know that the memories we had together…the beautiful memories that will be strength to you. Remember the jokes that I made, remember the insults and sarcasm that come from me. I might not be the best person you met in this life but losing me might means losing a lot of enjoyable and comfortable conversation. Remembered the conflicts we had…remember the struggles we had together…remember ME as ME, the good and the bad as well. But don’t let those memories keep you weeping. Instead, let the memories inspire you to live another day with clearer purpose and meaning.

Think of me but do not miss me, because if missing me could cause you to feel unbearable pain, I had rather have no one around me to love me. But think of me, the good and the bad in me…learn from my mistakes as there are so much that are negatives in me. Take the positive in me and change the world, because the world could certainly be a better place if we take some time to offer to Her.

If you ever feel that you need to hear my voice, listen to the sweet music made by natures because I always believe that the dead goes to some place more beautiful and make wonderful music all the time, just as the nature did. I am a fan of music…Pop, sentimental, R n B, Hip Hop, oldies and all….Enjoy the music as I would, because I always believe within each notes and beats in the music lies a certain magic that can bring a change to this world. Then, you will find that you could actually hear my voice in those musics.

Life is unfair…this is certainly true. That’s why some are born rich, while some born poor with some having to go through intense hardship at a young age. I am lucky in a way because I am born into my family, being KianHin and having enjoyed some of the most beautiful experience in this world. If you feel that life is unfair, do not be depressed. Do not be discouraged. Because even though the world is unfair, you could always find small communities trying to make an impact to change the world. I have tried…I might have succeeded in certain ways but I believe I have failed in many ways. However, I believe it is an ongoing challenge that will be passed on to the next generations. Do not give up on the GOOD FIGHT. Persevere on, just as many had…so that at the end of the day, you will find the purpose of our mad, short and crazy EXISTENCE.

It is hard to continue writing and it might even be difficult to continue reading for some of you but this is the magic that death can do…OR the magic that the thoughts of death could do.

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
It's something more than saying "I miss you"
But when we talked too
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever


(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandfather
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As I listened to the song of Mariah Carey (Bye,Bye), tears rolled down my cheek. Saying GoodBye is probably one of the most difficult part in life…but no matter how difficult it is, a goodbye is a must and it will happen in every relationships…whether it is between father and son, mother and daughter, among best buddies, husband and wife, or any other sort of relationships. Some departure happen on purpose and was expected. However, DEATH ends a relationship in a way that there is not a chance for GOODBYE. But I refused to accept this fact and thus if one day death were to take my place, I hope this is where my GOODBYE comes, and I want you to know that I love you.

While relationships are the most beautiful parts in life, it is also the most painful. Because when it reaches the end, you might find yourself longing to see that someone and yet it is impossible. If you find yourself reading this blog post of mine again, it simply means that our relationship has come to an end. 
The hardest thing to do is to say: Bye, Bye, Bye…and I do not have the solution to this pain as well. Probably what we could do is to follow what the song says: “Lift your heads to the sky, we will never say bye”.

I believe that someday, in another realm, we will meet again…in a BETTER PLACE.

But for now, live your life in the most meaningful manner because this is what we are here for….each of us with our own legend to live up to. Follow your dreams…fight for your love…become stronger each day…tii the day we reach the BETTER PLACE.

I wanna hold you in my arms,
I wanna take away all your pain,
But I won’t be there when you call me,
I won’t be there to share the laughter, joy and sorrow,
All that is left is memories and thoughts spoken out,
Sorry if I ever hurt you,
Sorry if I’m not good enough,
Sorry that I could not be there,
Sorry because there is no second chance for you to look into my eyes, with me looking back at you,
But I hope the smiles in me will always be a clear picture in your mind,
So that as you walk on in this life,
In the difficult pain of this life,
Those smiles will bring joy to you.
I am no longer afraid of death but waking up each day knowing that death could be a step away helps me to appreciate every moment in this life.

P.S: I love you!

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